What should I do first if my child refuses to go to school?

Start with safety and calm communication. Make a short factual note of what happened, tell school as early as possible, and ask for a conversation about a practical support plan and a review point.

What should I tell the school?

Share the observable facts: what your child is experiencing, the attendance pattern, known triggers, any health information you are willing to share, and what has or has not helped. Ask for a named contact and a written next step.

Can school and the council help with attendance difficulty?

Government guidance says schools should discuss attendance problems with parents and agree a plan to improve attendance. Local councils may also have attendance-support teams, depending on local arrangements.

Home / Parent guides / Child refuses school

Parent guide · England

My child refuses to go to school: what to do first

When your child cannot face school, the morning can quickly become frightening for everyone. You do not need to solve the entire situation today. Start by making the next conversation with school smaller, factual and clear.

Start here: if your child is in immediate distress, unsafe, or you are worried about their physical or mental health, seek appropriate medical, crisis or safeguarding support. This guide is general educational information, not clinical, legal or case-specific advice.

A calm first response

Try to separate the urgent practical question from the bigger question of why attendance has become difficult. The urgent question is: what does my child need today, and what does school need to know? The bigger picture may involve anxiety, learning needs, bullying, health, sensory overload, unmet SEN, family pressures or several factors together. You do not have to identify the cause perfectly before asking school to work with you.

Keep a short factual note. Record the date, what your child said or showed, attendance, any physical symptoms, what you tried and the outcome. Avoid trying to write the whole history in one morning.
Tell school early and plainly. Explain that your child is struggling to attend and ask who will be the named contact for the next conversation.
Ask for a short support discussion. Request a practical plan with one or two initial adjustments, a clear communication arrangement and a review date.
Keep written records. After a call or meeting, send a short email beginning “As discussed, we agreed that…” and invite corrections.

What to ask school for

Government guidance for England says that when a family is having difficulty getting a child to school, the school should discuss the problem and agree a plan with the parent or carer to improve attendance. The detail must fit your child, but a useful first plan often names the person responsible, the first adjustment to try, what success will look like, what information will be shared and when the plan will be reviewed.

You might ask questions such as:

Who is our named contact, and how will we communicate during this short trial?
What is the smallest safe and realistic adjustment to try first?
What support is already available through the school’s SEN, pastoral or attendance systems?
When will we review what happened, including whether the plan is helping or adding pressure?

Use a short plan, not a perfect plan

A child who is struggling to attend does not need every decision made at once. A time-limited trial can make a hard conversation more manageable. It also creates a shared record of what was agreed and whether it helped. The Hub’s free Trial Planner is designed for exactly this purpose: a named contact, one initial adjustment and a short review point.

Open the free School Return Trial Planner Use the EBSA Attendance Action Map

When you need a more formal written route

If attendance difficulty becomes prolonged, the pattern is more complex, or you need a specific response from school or the local authority, keep the same factual approach: dates, current hours or attendance, what support has been requested, what has been tried and the question you need answered. The Hub’s letter tool can help you turn those facts into a clear written request. For individual circumstances, use your local SENDIASS service and seek appropriate health advice where needed.

Create a free attendance-support letter

Common questions

Should I force my child into school?

There is no single answer that is safe for every family. Focus first on immediate safety, the observable cause of distress and an early conversation with school. If you have health or safeguarding concerns, seek the appropriate professional support.

Is this the same as EBSA?

Some families use “school refusal”, “school anxiety”, “school avoidance” or “emotionally based school avoidance” to describe a child finding attendance extremely difficult. Labels can be useful for finding information, but the practical next step is still a clear account of your child’s experience and a shared support plan.

What if the school only talks about attendance percentages?

It can help to acknowledge the attendance concern while returning to the practical question: what support is being considered, who will coordinate it and when will the plan be reviewed? Written follow-up helps keep the conversation focused.

If the pressure is most intense before school: the free Trial Planner can help with the school conversation. For parents who also need a structured set of practical tools for difficult mornings at home, the Morning Crisis Survival Guide is available as an optional self-paced course.

Explore the Morning Crisis Survival Guide — £47

Sources and further reading
GOV.UK: Help with getting your child to go to school.
Department for Education: Working together to improve school attendance.
EBSA & SEN Hub: Section 19 education when a child cannot attend school.